My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
