I think I died a long time ago.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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