if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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