remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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