So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
