I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
