PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
