im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
