If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
