I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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