You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
