from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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