I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
