and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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