shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
