WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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