YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
