oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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