Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
