Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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