So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
