U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
