There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
