Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
