You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I CAN MOONWALK!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
