pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
