FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
