What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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