It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
