HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
