I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
