false alarm. still invincible.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
