Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
