I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
