you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You have to summon your inner elephant
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
