Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
