I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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