I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
