Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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