I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
