the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
