I want to stick my p in your. b.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
