i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
