I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
