Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
