Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
