girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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