genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
