4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
