So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
